Tick Tock

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling very blue and looking at the grey side of life. I passed all the day wondering what was happening, what had triggered it. I promised myself to look at the planets but I did not…

This morning it dawned upon me that Saturn, the Lord of Time, the strict headmaster went retrograde yesterday morning (07:05 UTC+2 6-04-2017). 

These are moments in my life that I feel connected to the stars. You see I was not looking at the placements of the planets but sure I did feel Saturn movement. I did not know it was Saturn in particular but sure I did feel the breaks on my enthusiasm. 

Saturn governs all that is matter, limits, our fears. He is the sergeant in the army hammering the new recruits, she is the headmistress that if you got one minute late at school you got a notice.

Saturn is not cruel. She is just pragmatic, terribly real.

When he is in retrograde motion, that is from the earth’s point of view going backwards, he wants all of our attention. He wants us to revise all the plans and projects we have been working on. Just now he is like the architect and the engineer coming on the site of your construction and pin pointing meticulously what needs to be improvised or completely demolished.

On Saturday (Saturn’s day) 8-04-2017 at 22:28 UTC+2 Saturn squares Venus.

Desires clash with limits and reality.

Meaning if you want to get what you desire you need to change course, or implement new habits, or sorry you really can’t have that.

Remember Mercury is going retrograde too next week. Venus and Jupiter, the two great benefics, are retrograde too.

The heavens are asking us to revise and revisit. To look backwards and see what needs improvement or what is not attainable for now.

The way forward is by going backwards and seal the holes left open.

Enjoy your work!

The photo is of a wall clock I bought just when Saturn was sitting still to go backwards…photobombed by my cat, Puzzy.

Ieri mi sono alzata che mi sentivo come una gomma della macchina bucata. Ho passata tutta la giornata a capire cosa non andava, cosa mi era successo. Mi sono promessa di guarda i pianeti ma non lo fatto…

Questa mattina mi sono accorta che Saturno, il Signore del Tempo, il nostro preside ligio a tutte le regole, è andato retrogrado ieri mattina, 06-04-2017 alle 07:05 ore locali.

Sono questi momenti della vita che mi sento connessa con le stelle. Vedete ieri non ho guardato cosa stavano facendo i pianeti ma comunque l’effetto del movimento di Saturno lo sentito. Non sapevo che era lui in particolare, ma i freni sul mio entusiasmo lo sentito.

Saturno governa tutto cioè che è materia, limiti, le nostre paure. E’ il sergente dell’esercito con le nuove reclute. E’ il preside che ci scrive una note perché siamo arrivati un minuto in ritardo a scuola.

Saturno non è crudele di per se. Saturno è semplicemente pragmatico e terribilmente reale.

Quando va retrogrado, cioè dal punto di vista della Terra si muove indietro, Saturno vuole tutta la nostra attenzione.

Vuole che revisioniamo tutti i nostri pianti e progetti su cui stiamo lavorando. E’ come l’architetto o l’ingegnere che viene sul sito a vedere come vanno i lavori e ti elenca tutti i punti che non vanno bene, che vanno migliorate o completamente demoliti.

Sabato (il giorno di Saturno) 8-04-2017 alle 22:28 ore locali, Saturno fa quadrato con Venere.

Il limiti della realtà si scontrano con i desideri.

Tradotto, se vuoi ottenere quello che vuoi bisogna cambiare rotta, o implementare nuovi abitudini o semplicemente no mi dispiace non puoi avere quello che desideri.

Ricordatevi che Mercurio va retrogrado la prossima settimana. Venere e Giove, i due grandi benefici sono retrogradi anche.

Il cielo ci sta chiedendo in tutti i modi e maniere di rivedere delle cose. Di guardare in dietro per vedere cosa c’è bisogno di migliorare o lasciare andare quello che non è fattibile.

Il modo di andare avanti in questo periodo è di andare in dietro e sigillare tutte le falle lasciate aperte.

Buon Lavoro!

La foto è dell’orologio da parete che ho comprato esattamente quando Saturno stava per cominciare a fare retromarcia ed ovviamente del mio gatto Puzzy.

Horizon Check / Verificare l'Orizzonte

Jupiter, the lord that governs our sense of purpose in our life has just gone retrograde (07:52 UTC+1). What this means is that in the following months (until the 9-06-2017) we are being asked to reevaluate what we feel our mission in life is. 

Where is in our life that we tend to create abundance, be as a teacher to others and where we expand our own minds and the minds of others? We are being asked to realign, to check if where we are heading to, is just what our Soul wants. If it is truly aligned with what the Universe has brought us here in this world for.

If you would like to know in which part of your natal chart is taking place, please do not hesitate to contact me for a private reading.

Sea horizon in Malta

Giove, il signore che governa il nostro senso di scopo per cui viviamo la nostra vita, è appena andato retrogrado (07:52 ora locale UTC+1). Questo semplicemente vuole dire che per i prossimi mesi (fino al 9-06-2017) l’Universo chi sta chiedendo di riconsiderare, rivalutare quello che noi crediamo sia la nostra missione nella vita.

Dove è nella nostra vita che creiamo naturalmente abbondanza, di essere un esempio, un insegnante agli altri? Dove noi riusciamo ad andare oltre i nostri limiti ed espandere la nostra mente e quella degli altri?

L’Universo ci chiede di controllare la rotta e verificare se è quello che la nostra Anima veramente vuole. 

Se veramente come siamo vivendo la nostra vita ci porta più vicino a quello che siamo venuti a fare in questo mondo.

Se volete sapere in quale parte del vostro tema natale questo sta succedendo non esitate di contattarmi per una consulenza privata.

Dear Mars Retrograde in Scorpio and ex-Lovers

When I received the message from N, about a month ago, I knew in my heart that something serious was going on. N is someone I deeply loved some 16 years ago.

When I left Malta 20 years ago, I was running away from a part of me that took me years to only start accepting. 

I was so in self-denial that I thought that by simply running away from my native land, stick to a heterosexual relationship and get married I would banish old ghosts and wounds.

N had to be my witness to that wedding that was going to take place in late April 2000. A wedding that never happened because I fell in love with my witness, that happened to be a woman.

It was an intense, deeply felt love that I simply got swept by….and for that love I left what was to me at that time, known, certain and secure, to face something utterly unconventional and despised by many and by both of our families. 

I had no long term job and passed many nights worrying on how I was going to feed myself. I changed many houses at the time. Sometimes I even slept in N’s shop because I had nowhere to go. All because I loved her and wanted to be true to myself and to that love…even if I had no idea who that myself was.

We did many things together. We tried to snatch time from a world that did not acknowledge the us. In those brief moments of sincere love we did touch each others soul.

It could have been a match on earth and in heaven but we both had a problem. We were both in self-denial of who we really were….We were both fully carrying the stigma and judgement that our families and society has handed us and we fully had taken it on board.

We tried to hide it from all the world and probably we finished by hiding it from ourselves as well.

At a certain point N decided she couldn’t take it anymore and she decided to abide to her family laws. I still remember that very moment when I had put her in front of a choice “If you choose your family over me I will leave you”.

And so I did….

It took me another 4 years of therapy to arrive to a point of saying to myself “Yes I am a homosexual…and it is not going away”.

It took me another 2 years to eventually let myself fall in love again…this time I knew what I was doing and why I was doing it…perhaps….

Today I met N. 

She is dying. Her organs are shutting down. One day or another she will probably leave this plane. Doctors haven’t given her much hope and time. She is selling her business that I was present when she started.

And she came to tell me so.

We talked about things done and memories shared. Many I had removed…

At a certain point I asked her to forgive me for the pain I caused her in leaving her. I said that although I loved her a lot I couldn’t stay in that situation anymore. It was a question of self-respect.

She said, “I know, I cared for you a lot and I got angry with you because you disappeared from my life. You didn’t even want my friendship”.

I said, “For years I did not want you as a friend. I wanted you as a lover. I didn’t care for you, I loved you and it took me time to get over it.”

She told me “ You will always remain for me my Maltese Goat. And next time we will meet again in another lifetime I shall remind you.”

That is the nearest she could arrive in this lifetime to tell me how much she cared for me. She never ever said I love you, yet I felt that love.

As I could feel her pain, a conflicting pain that she has always carried in her since I met her but could never do anything about it.

I could work on my pain and only the Universe knows how much I am still working on mine but I can’t work on hers.

We said goodbye fully knowing it might be our last in this lifetime…

So dearest N, in memory of that love, that made me grow into the woman I am now, this is my prayer for you:

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Thank you.

Safe travels…

Your Maltese Goat.

The ring on the left is a reproduction of 13th century English ring carrying a garnet and a Chaucer's phrase saying " Go little ring to that same sweet heart that hath my hearth in her domain". The ring on the right is a beautiful Aquamarine. Both rings were given to me by N during our time together.