My long journey to this Winter Solstice 2012

Only the Universe knows how grateful I am to be celebrating this day.

This last year, especially the later half has been a sort of dark night of the soul. I came in contact with even further darker sides of myself.

Dark shadowy mysterious parts that have long claimed to be heard and given attention to.

It was the culmination of a nearly 12 year period.

I suffered fractures both physically and mentally.

I shall never forget the moment I fell from that bike on August 17^th 2012 at around 11 am in Veluwe, Holland , amongst those beautiful Pine trees that I had been seeing pictures of during my previous meditation practice.

I hit the asphalt with such a force that literally and metaphorically took the breath out of my life and pressed the reset button, for all, in a split second, to be irrevocably changed.

The smashing of the perceived self.

The temporary lost of physical strength and self awareness.

The humility to ask for help.

The continual stabbing pain that numbs the mind and destroyer of sleep.

The lost of a spiritual mentor.

The anger of being accused and misunderstood for things never done.

The anger of being “betrayed” by the person I thought was infallible and trusted blindfolded

The loss of a second mother that helped me find my first.

The finding of assistance from unexpected sources.

The dawning awareness that my partner has always been there in all these years silently sustaining me...awaiting for my “waking up”.

The realization that at the end of the day my intuition is right.

That there is a soft voice silently whispering images, sounds, thoughts, feelings...all to flash a way to my soul intent becoming.

The monumental step to acknowledge my desire for astrology and consequent start of years of studying. The peace and alignment I felt the moment I subscribed to the Faculty. The wonderful sense of purpose each time I sit down to study.

I bring all this and much more that can never be contained in words to this Magical Winter Solstice 2012.

I closed a chapter and starting a new one.

I am grateful to all of you out there who have helped me through, knowing and unknowingly.

Thank you.

Blessed Be!

Samhain 2012

On the eve of this new year,

as darkness enfolds the world with a tighter grip,

and obscurity is more tangible than ever:

I shall light a candle,

in honour of my shadow,

that diligently is doing its job,

even if I may not always appreciate that.

I shall light a candle,

in honour of all those who this year,

I perceived their shadow, 

looming on my heart.

Blessed be you for teaching me how strong I can be.

I shall light a candle,

for all those who I still feel angry with.

May I understand that I am no better,

and compassion is a daily soul exercise.

I shall light a candle,

to all that dense murkiness.

May I delve deep in its sordidness,
so transformation will slowly begin.

I shall light a candle,

for all my Ancestors,

who I felt so much by my side,

in moments of deep distress.

May Your presence be always a reminder,
that even if answers are not found,
and the veil still remains cast,

Home is an eternal place,

where I shall return,

and until that day, 

may I always honour,

my soul's contract for this lifetime.

Blessed Be!

Imbolc 2012

As I was preparing to start my spinning session in my living-room I felt like a voice telling me to light the candle for Imbolc. I said “Now? Isn't it a bit early?”. 

And the voice answered “Yes now!”

Forty minutes afterwards as I was cooling off doing some stretching I glanced at the candle and my thoughts obviously went again to Imbolc and how ironically enough I am finding it difficult to keep that inner light alight.

As if on cue, this picture a friend of mine shared on Facebook some time ago, came to my mind.

While I reread it with my mind's eye, I felt the Voice, chuckling, saying:

"Thank goodness the Universe knows no recession dear!"

I smiled.

The Universe has really strange ways to communicate and quite a good sense of humour.

Blessed Imbolc to all!