The Priestess, Purple Snowflakes and a Ganesha Pocket Watch

Probably since Neptune started approaching my Asc way back in 2010, I started having vivid and epic dreams that I could remember. Lately these dreams have become hugely epic. 
Probably because Neptune has been lulling my Sun and Mars for a couple of years now.

I find it interesting how homeopathic remedies and flower essences weave through my dreams and bring messages from the ephemeral realms.

As I mentioned in my previous post, for a week or so I have been taking Olea Europea 200CH and I started dreaming about Malta. Now form last Saturday it was the turn of Carcinosin LM3…and Sacred Frankincense (Boswellia Sacra) essential Oil. The last time I took Carscinosin 200CH I dreamt very frequently about Malta, the sea, yellow rocks and cliffs.

Saturday I dreamt about my mother and my sister. We were somewhere in a house near the sea, in Malta. Probably we were in a harbour area. Nothing really particular except of dreaming both my sister and my mother together in the same dream.

However Sunday’s night dream falls under the vivid and mystical dreams filing cabinet. Probably because after Carcinosin I added a smear of Sacred Frankincense on top of my mouth’s roof and drifted to sleep with it in my mouth.

I remember the dream from the point where I was doing grocery shopping at my favourite organic shop in Italy. There were sweet desert samples to taste. Sort of coconut balls of various colours and flavours. I took the orange and white one. The brown ones, the chocolate ones, I avoided cause I knew that if I took it I would not sleep for three days.

Then there was a cannolo to taste. I toke a bite but I spat it out because I noticed it was wheat pastry… and I can’t eat wheat.

I put the grocery in the car and drove away. 

I arrived at a beautiful parking place near the sea. I knew it was Malta. The parking was exactly on the rocks leading on to the sea. On both left and right there were the huge yellow cliffs.

The sea was a bit rough, windy and the grey clouds were hanging low. 

I walked down just near the sea, where there were trenches cut in the rocks. The trenches were quite deep that I could walk in them without seeing the sea. I was just at the beginning of the sea enclosure.

To see the sea I had to jump and leaning on my elbows keep hanging on the rocks with my feet dangling. Which is what I did with extreme ease! The sea was at my face level. 

I was taking in all the beauty of that scenery in deep, slow breaths.

A young woman walked towards me from my left hand side, that is from the enclosed part of the sea. She had long, dark, curly, wild hair that was being blown in the wind.

She said, “She is beautiful isn’t she?”

Nodding I said, “Yes Malta is really beautiful.”

With love and devotion in her voice she answered, “Malta is not only beautiful. She is Sacred”.

As if thinking aloud I murmured, “It has been 20 years now that I have been away from Malta. I am thinking of coming back”.

“That is a long time”. 

After some time she added,”Do you have a job if you come back?”

Nearly jokingly I replied, “They say there is a lot of work for me here in Malta, if I come back.”

Looking straight at me and inside me she exclaimed softly, “Ah you are the healer aren’t you? I have heard about you.”

Amused I retorted, “About me? Who told you about me?”

Whilst closing her eyes for a second and tilting her head towards the yellow cliffs, she smiled, “They told me about you.”

At that moment, from the enclosed part of the sea, from behind the young woman, low strange clouds started rolling out, passing over our heads. They were like snow flakes but huge, so huge that I could see all their inner geometry and they were purple in colour. 

We both stood dangling from the rocks watching this mesmerising event. I tried to catch one…I asked, “What did they tell you?”

She never answered. 

So I said, I had to go back because it was late and probably my partner was getting worried.

She replied, “Come with me so we can exchange business cards”.

All of a sudden I find myself in the house of this young woman. As she was writing her name on a piece of paper she uttered, “I have to show you something”.

Her hand reached her chest and she took out a pocket watch pendant. “My mother gave it to me”. 

She gave it to me to hold in my hands. The lid was embossed with Ganesha. I pressed the button, opening the lid. Inside where the mechanical parts of the watch, which were powered not by crystals but by homeopathic white pills. Three of them came out. I tried to put them in so not to waste them….And she said, “No do not worry, the watch perpetually regenerates them and those are for you to take.”

If you made it till here, please watch the video, it is about Malta and its innate beauty.

I forgive you / Ti perdono

Today I had a session with my kinesiologist. She tried a new technique on me to counter attach my diabetes. A very reveiling technique I must say.
To cut a long story short it seems that at the age of nine I acquired two believes that have influenced me so much, that in the long run procured me diabetes.To annull these believes two sets of affirmations had to be formulated.
The first of the set of affirmations is the following:

I forgive you mum even if I believe that you denied me to be myself.
I forgive you mum even if I still believe that you denied me to be myself.
I forgive you mum even if I'll never stop to believe that you denied me to be myself.

How true. At that age (nine) I started coining my own ideas. Indipendent ideas from my mother's. But as I was very afraid of my mother at the time, I precluded myself from living my own life.
I only succeeded in having it back 22 years later.
That is I lost 22 years of my life living a life which was not my own.
At that age the first physical effect, was a very huge increase in weight (an issue that would be eventually reccurent in my life). So much that my family doctor put me on a strict diet.
The second affirmation is this:

I forgive you dad even if I believe that you denied me your support.
I forgive you dad even if I still believe that you denied me your support.
I forgive you dad even if I'll never stop to believe that you denied me your support.

This belief I acquired from my dad on a particular day in time during that 9th year of my life. We were out for a walk on the cliffs. It was me, my father and a long time family friend.
I enjoyed these Sunday outings with my father. He worked a lot at that time so really I saw him only on Sunday. We used to go for long walks and long rides in the family station wagon.
And it was the only day I felt safe. So safe that I usually would fall asleep in the luggage compartment of the station wagon listening to my father's wedding ring rub against the steering wheel.
That particular day as we reached the cliff's climax I found it hard to overcome the last part. I remember it so clearly. I couldn't reach for the last bit to lift myself on the cliff's plain.I
asked my father help but he refused it. He stayed there watching until finally I did manage it on my own.
When at last I joined him infront of me I had the limitless sea in all its wintery beauty. There was a slight chilly wind, although it was a sunny day. As I looked at this nature's beauty still baffled why my father didn't help me, he knelt near me and with a steady voice said this phrase which would mark my whole life:

"My daughter I didn't help you because you have to learn that in your life the most important decisions you'll always take them on your own."

In that moment in time, all that boundless beauty became an epitome of the infinite loneliness I felt and would reccurently feel in my life.

Oggi ho avuto una seduta con la mia kinesiologa. Ha provato una nuova tecnica per controbilanciare il mio diabete. Si è rilevata una tecnica molto toccante dal punto di vista emozionale.
Per tagliare una lunga storia corta, alla età di nove anni mi sono procurata delle credenze che al lungo andare mi hanno portato al diabete.
Per annullare l'effetto di queste credenze due affermazione dovevano essere formulate. La prima di queste affermazione è questa:


Io ti perdono mamma anche se credo che tu mi hai negato di essere me stessa.
Io ti perdono mamma anche se ancora credo che tu mi hai negato di essere me stessa.
Io ti perdono mamma anche se non smetterò mai di credere che tu mi hai negato di essere me stessa.



Quanto è vera questa affermazione. All'età di nove anni ho cominciato a formulare le mie idea in netto contrasto con quelli di mia madre. Ma visto che avevo una tremenda paura di mia madre mi sono preclusa di vivere la mia vita. Una vita che ho ripreso 22 anni dopo. Cioè mi sono bruciata 22 anni della mia vita, vivendo una vita che non era la mia.



Il primo effetto fisiologico all'epoca fu un aumento smisurato del mio peso (un problema eventualmente ricorrente nella mia vita). L'aumento era tale che il medico di famiglia mi mise a dieta stretta.



L'altra affermazione è:

Ti perdono papa anche se credo che tu mi hai negato il tuo supporto.
Ti perdono papa anche se ancora credo che tu mi hai negato il tuo supporto.
Ti perdono papa anche se non smetterò mai di credere che tu mi hai negato il tuo supporto.



Questa credenza lo assimilata da mio padre in un giorno particolare in quel nono anno della mia vita. Quel giorno li stavamo facendo una passeggiata sulle scogliere. Eravamo io, mio padre e un amico di lunga data della mia famiglia.



Amavo quelle uscite con mio padre. All'epoca lavorava tanto. Lo vedevo solo di domenica e in quei giorni andavamo per lunghe passeggiate all'aria aperta e nella station wagon di famiglia. Era l'unica giornata in cui mi sentivo al sicuro. Cosi al sicura che mi addormentavo nello scompartimento valige della macchina cullata dal rumore che faceva l'anello di nozze di mio padre strusciando sul volante.



In quella particolare giornata ho trovato difficoltoso fare l'ultimo traguarda che mi portava in cima alla scogliere. Me lo ricordo perfettamente. Non riuscivo ad ergermi per arrivare sul piano.



Chiesi a mio padre aiuto ma lui rifiuto. Rimase li ha guardare finché alla fine me la sono cavata da sola.



Quando alla fine lo raggiunsi in vetta di fronte a me trovai un mare senza limiti adornato dalla sua bellezza invernale. C'era un venticello freddo anche se la giornata splendeva di sole.

Guardavo questa bellezza incontaminata, pur ancora confusa per il comportamento di mio padre, quando lui si china vicino a me e con una voce ferma mi disse:



"Figlia mio non ti ho aiutata a salire perché devi imparare che nella vita ti troverai sempre a prendere le decisioni importanti da sola".



In quel preciso momento della mia vita ho sentito trasformarsi quella bellezza senza confini in una metafora di tutta la solitudine infinita che ho sentito e che avrei ricorsivamente sentito in tutta la mia vita.