I've
just said good-bye to my parents.
As
time goes by, each time it is a deeper felt good-bye. Once I used to
flee from here, from their presence. Now I book a flight and spend
all my holidays to be with them, to be in Malta.
Time
has changed me and has changed them. Actually for me more than Time
it was all the hard work on facing my fears, my suppressed anger and
a slow finding of myself.
Not
that all has been done. Far from it. My fears are still here, raw and
alive but now I am aware of them. I can even name some of them. My
anger is something I am learning to transform. And as regards finding
myself...well that is something I really do not know where I am.
However
I have noticed that each time I come to Malta I face another bit of
my fears and harness a bit more of my anger. Coming “home” to my
past, my native land, my colours, my sea, my food, the friends I've
left and new ones I found, I realize a bit more of who I really am.
Coming "here" is a slow coming "out" in all senses. Not only about my sexuality but
also about all of me. Letting go of fear has opened windows I've
never seen. A certain lightness of being that now and then helps me
to breath to life.
Malta
is a playground that helps me gauge how much of that frightened
confused rebellious young girl who fled all to save herself is still
inside of me and needs healing and how much has transformed into a
woman.
Good-bye
Malta. Thank you!
6 comments:
You have progressed so much since I "met" you on Twitter. I'm proud of you. I have one "adopted" daughter on Google Plus. I think I will adopt you as well ;).
Thank you Ila. You are my adopted internet mother. ;)
I just tagged in you in my January 12 blog post http://croneplace.blogspot.com/
I don't usually tag people but this seemed like fun. I certainly understand if you don't want to participate.
Ila what is it actually about? I went to your blog but couldn't find info.
Aaah. Now I understand what you meant when you said you were packing, too. It's not easy to say goodbye, but you'll be back. I hope that the next time that you're back, you are no longer feeling anger or fear. It sounds like you've had a tough though interesting and beneficial journey. I wish you luck and many blessings.
Welcome Kris!
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