Thursday, 5 January 2012

Good-bye Malta!

I've just said good-bye to my parents.
As time goes by, each time it is a deeper felt good-bye. Once I used to flee from here, from their presence. Now I book a flight and spend all my holidays to be with them, to be in Malta.
Time has changed me and has changed them. Actually for me more than Time it was all the hard work on facing my fears, my suppressed anger and a slow finding of myself.
Not that all has been done. Far from it. My fears are still here, raw and alive but now I am aware of them. I can even name some of them. My anger is something I am learning to transform. And as regards finding myself...well that is something I really do not know where I am.
However I have noticed that each time I come to Malta I face another bit of my fears and harness a bit more of my anger. Coming “home” to my past, my native land, my colours, my sea, my food, the friends I've left and new ones I found, I realize a bit more of who I really am.
Coming "here" is a slow coming "out" in all senses. Not only about my sexuality but also about all of me. Letting go of fear has opened windows I've never seen. A certain lightness of being that now and then helps me to breath to life.
Malta is a playground that helps me gauge how much of that frightened confused rebellious young girl who fled all to save herself is still inside of me and needs healing and how much has transformed into a woman.

Good-bye Malta. Thank you!


Ila said...

You have progressed so much since I "met" you on Twitter. I'm proud of you. I have one "adopted" daughter on Google Plus. I think I will adopt you as well ;).

Acquafortis said...

Thank you Ila. You are my adopted internet mother. ;)

Ila said...

I just tagged in you in my January 12 blog post

I don't usually tag people but this seemed like fun. I certainly understand if you don't want to participate.

Acquafortis said...

Ila what is it actually about? I went to your blog but couldn't find info.

Kris said...

Aaah. Now I understand what you meant when you said you were packing, too. It's not easy to say goodbye, but you'll be back. I hope that the next time that you're back, you are no longer feeling anger or fear. It sounds like you've had a tough though interesting and beneficial journey. I wish you luck and many blessings.

Acquafortis said...

Welcome Kris!