Ostara 2012?

This morning my alarm clock rang at exactly 6:15am at the same time as the Spring Equinox entered the Northern hemisphere.
Ostara was here and I have to confess I felt dread.
Yes you read well dread.
Spring means change, spring means life, spring means longer days and shorter nights.
Spring means the joy of life, of movement, of looking ahead with the promise of better things.... and Spring means all chaos will come back near the sea with music till late at night and my sleepless nights.
I have been blocking everything in my life.
Some days ago I would have said I feel blocked but now I am fully aware that it is me that I am blocking myself to move on, to press that gas and get myself out of the rut.
I am blocking everything out of fear. Fear of change. 
As a good Virgo I love my routines, my plans, my comfort zone of knowing things will proceed in a certain way. As a rising sign Aquarius this situation is too tight for my freedom of thought.
That part of me that wants change, keeping a status quo for the simple reason of keeping things in situations I (the Virgo) can somehow control, is not actually what the I (Aquarius) is happy about. So inner conflict is a daily staple food which is ruining my health.
Seems that Mercury, Mars and Saturn retrograde have finally succeeded in passing the message. Mercury has claimed my mobile yesterday evening. Strangely enough I was sort of prepared. I had nearly everything backed up except my latest photos.
Why all this fear of change? I am not new to change. I had ample change in life and at the end of the day, looking backwards, it has always happened for my best. Why am I so resentful to embrace the change that is knocking at the door?
Most probably because as I've learnt from the other changes in my life, change comes with a price, of loosing a situation, of loosing someone, of changing work, of changing house, of changing country. Because once I open my heart to change there is no way of stopping what is the eventual natural dynamics of the Universe.
Spring summons change. Ostara is here with all of her Renewal Magic. Am I ready to humbly embrace it?