Waiting for Mercury

I have been trying to write down my thoughts in all these days but have not succeeded. With all the thoughts I have I could write many posts from here to the Moon and back. 

My mind can go at the speed of lightening but for years now Neptune has shrouded my synapsis in a permanent lake fog.

But life has been happening fast. Keeps happening fast.

Chaotically fast. 

Mesmerising fast.

Sometimes I am blessed if I succeed to breath deeply and slowly.

Sometimes I feel I am riding the flow and synchronicity just blossom like fungi in the forest after the rain.

Sometimes I derail and I feel tossed by my own fears, smashed hard against core believes that stand solidly in time and generations.

Sometimes I cry for the pure bliss of feeling loved and cared by from the Universe.

Sometimes I cry for sheer exhaustion of facing continually my own insecurities and fears like a broken bulgur siren in the middle of the night that no one switches off.

Since Mercury entered its shadow I have been playing the wait and see game. I am doing a live astrological experiment.

And the experiment is my life.

It is incredible how many things have happened in such a condensed period of time. How many people I have encountered, just out of the blues, that could help shift my future and my life especially whilst I was in Malta.

A barrage of information keeps coming my way. Some of it makes me worry much more than I usually do and some of it gives me hope.

I am still meeting people here in Italy.

Some believe in me more than I do. They can see my awesome future where I can see only pitch dark. They can see that unique me that can contribute something to the society.

Whilst others like to play hyper realistic and I tend to resonate with them.

Then there are others that like to play the very pessimistic stance…that is I like to pull you down because I can’t pull myself up.

In all this I have succeeded for now to keep my horses still although they have muscle spasms for all the need they have to move.

I am waiting….

Tomorrow Mercury goes direct just as I have three full important “corporate” days. 

I get to finally meet new people that have entered the game. And old ones that have been forced to change roles, like it or not.

I will still play the wait and see game especially since power dynamics have changed and by nature I am curious how these powers will come at play.

Many will be hidden.

My role is to observe and avoid being stabbed.

A year ago, during same “corporate” days, I vomited the hell out of me and it dawned upon me that I do not belong anymore to where I still am.

So many things have happened since last year.

However the story isn’t finished yet.

Mercury will get out of its shadow on the 14th February.

Probably then I will know the story I will need to know. 

And probably then time for decisions will come but that’s another story I owe to Uranus.

My last day of my 37th year of life

This is my last day as a 37^th year old and I just want to give thanks for all the many times I was blessed and I forgot to give thanks, show gratitude to the Universe that is always there taking care of me whether or not I perceive it.

I ask forgiveness for the many a times I was disappointed with what was going on in my life and didn't want to acknowledge it was wholly my fault and no one's else.

I ask forgiveness for my narrow mindedness that still keeps on stubbornly reoccurring.

I ask humbly for guidance cause my soul is so new to understanding that I have chosen my own life, I have chosen the day I was born in and the family for my upbringing too.

I ask humbly for support and shelter....there are many times I can't distinguish where I am going to and what am I really doing here.

I ask humbly for wisdom to learn from my mistakes, from the lessons I have so many years ago decided to learn but haven't yet done so.

And from my heart I give thanks for being me here today.... thanks for all the events, people, surroundings, customs, religions, education and society that have helped me, forged me into whom I am now....although sincerely speaking I do not know who I am.

This is just a young soul giving thanks to Someone, Somewhere around me and deep inside of me that I somehow know is there whatever I do, understand, misinterpret or argue against.

This young soul yearning for wisdom....coarse in her writings gives Thanks to Whom no words will I ever find to describe.

Thank you for my 37 years of being is this life-cycle.

A humble young soul full of gratitude (sometimes).